Circa 1620
by kagura77
Summary: It's been exactly a year since Darcy told Loki to leave and be free and god is she regretting it. Based off the song Circa 1620 by Veela. Rated T for language.


Circa 1620

I lay in my bed, staring at the ceiling, numb and wondering how it's already been a year since he left me. I wondered how he was, what he was doing now that he was a free man. Was he in Asgard, fighting the good fight, atoning for his sins? I closed my eyes, replaying the scene again for the billionth time.

 _I stared at his composed, stone face. He had been so reserved and I knew it. I wasn't stupid, I could tell he wasn't happy here on earth. I knew he wasn't content to just be here with me…_

 _I cleared my throat but he didn't look up at me, just kept staring at the floor. I wonder if he knew what he was doing to me by not saying a damn thing. I gave up everything, was scrutinized daily for my love of him. Jane hardly spoke to me anymore. Tony made jokes at my expense. It was hard, going through work knowing everyone thought there was something wrong with you because you were in love with the man that destroyed New York._

 _"I don't want your perfect love and certainty. It's too easy to settle down. I need us to be free." I said quietly. He let it sink in before standing up and finally lifting his eyes to meet mine. I could see the question in them and I felt my fight return as I tried desperately not to break. He'd just think me weak…_

 _He walked forward calmly before I saw his entire body relax as he pulled me in to his arms, holding me so tightly I could barely breathe. His lips gently touched my forehead for a moment and I closed my eyes, the ominous feeling of it being over sinking in to my bones._

 _He pulled away, searching my eyes desperately._

 _"Baby, you don't have to do this…" He whispered. I almost startled at the use of a pet name but I held my ground while his thumbs rubbed circles on my shoulders. He was my reason for making it through the day, I finally felt I had found my other half… Now I felt empty and knew why the expression "if you love them, let them go" hurt so much._

 _"It's alright." I muttered. "Forget about me for a little while. I'll be the girl in the tower waiting for your call. I'll admire your independence. I'll just… I'll just be the girl's heart who's waiting."_

 _"Darcy…" He whispered, kissing me ever so gently. It was unlike him…_

He had made sweet and gentle love to me that night, it might have been a revelation if it didn't mean it was over. I woke in the morning alone, empty, and when I showed up for work, Jane simply walked forward and hugged me tightly whispering that she was sorry.

It was almost too much to take, having everyone tip toe around me, giving me worrying glances. I now wish I hadn't been so hard on Jane when Thor left, I wish I could take it back because this pain… It was like death never ending.

I wondered what he's been through this entire year, wondering if he was ever going to come back. A knock on the door startled me, I never really had visitors anymore so I gingerly sat up, trudging through my apartment and opening the door.

"Lady Darcy." Thor greeted, smiling exuberantly.

"Hey big guy." I said sadly. I especially didn't want to see him. He frowned, looking away.

"May I?" He asked, gesturing to the door. I nodded and he walked in, closing the door behind him while I went in to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of vodka. He didn't comment until I took the top off and downed a couple swigs straight from the bottle.

"He'd hate to see you like this." He muttered, rubbing the back of his head and looking away.

"Yeah, well he's not here now is he?" I said, surprised at the venom in my own voice when he flinched. "I'm sorry. It's been a year today."

"You've been counting?" He asked, furrowing his brows.

"Yeah…" I trailed off, swallowing hard. "Jane did too. Does… Every time you leave." I said, hoping at least one of them would understand. I saw shock blossom in his eyes and he looked away, hiding his expression.

"I had no idea."

"Why are you here? Speaking of Jane, she's been waiting, so why did you come see me first." He turned back to me and I smirked. "If you had gone to see her first you'd already be in regular clothing and not Asgard couture."

"I wanted to know how you are." He said, but his eyes shifted away for a moment and I glared.

"No, Loki wants to know how I am and he doesn't want to come see me himself." I yelled.

"Lady Darcy-."

"Stop!" I yelled, unable to hold it back anymore as I fell apart, sliding down the cabinets while holding the open bottle of vodka. "Please, it's too much."

He gathered me up in his arms, shaking with rage.

"I did this to Jane, now he's done this to you. It's unacceptable." He said, a darkness I hardly recognized in his voice.

"No, I did this, I could tell he wasn't happy so I told him to leave. I told him to be free." I said.

He startled, pulling away slightly and frowning.

"You are the most selfless woman I have yet to meet." He muttered.

"Listen, I'll be fine." I said, choking a little on the words. "Go see Jane, she needs you more."

He nodded reluctantly, standing up and heading for the door.

"Thor?" I called, not looking up from my bottle.

"Yes, Lady Darcy?" He called back, the door opening.

"Please make sure he knows that I'll be here, hoping he comes back." I said, frowning and taking another drink.

"I shall." He said, closing the door and leaving me to my destructive devices.

I woke up to the sound of my bedroom door opening and shot in to action, grabbing my Taser from my end table and pointing it at the door. The figure stopped, holding up its hands and I leaned over, turning the light on.

With a gasp, I dropped the Taser, my hands shaking as I stared at Loki, his face stone again, his stance giving nothing away.

"What do you want?" I whispered, looking away. I heard his footsteps grow closer and flinched when he touched my chin. His hand moved away and I heard his sharp intake of breath before he grabbed my chin again, forcing me to look at him. I kept my eyes down, not wanted to see him, knowing this was a dream. I've had dreams similar to this so many times, waking up in pain, crying, wishing they had been real.

"What have I done to you?" He breathed. I shut my eyes, trying to pull my head away but he held me too tightly. "Look at me."

"No." I said, struggling to get out of his grasp. He let go, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me none too gently.

"Look. At. Me." He growled. I shook my head, putting my hands up and trying to push him away, whimpering. "Darcy PLEASE!" He finally yelled.

I sobbed gently, tilting my head up and grabbing the lapels of his uniform, pulling him in without opening my eyes. His lips met my urgently as he pushed me on to the bed, holding me there as my salty tears mingled with our lips.

"Loki, stop." I whispered, pulling away and crying in to his neck. "Please, it's too much. I can't keep doing this. Each time I wake up and you're gone and it's just like that night and I just keep wanting and wishing it were true. I can't keep doing this, I can't keep dreaming of you, it's slowly killing me."

"I know, I know, I'm sorry Darcy, I'm so terribly sorry. I shouldn't have left. Thor told me, he gave me your message. Told me that Stark had to talk you off the edge of the tower earlier. I broke you, I didn't want to, but you said…." He trailed off when I sobbed. "Darcy, I'm here, you aren't dreaming."

"That's what you say every time and every time I wake up alone." I whispered.

"What do I have to do to prove that I'm here?" He yelled, causing me to flinch. He softened slightly, brushing hair out of my face and I finally opened my eyes, looking at my god of lies.

"Be here when I wake up." I mutter.

"Sleep, precious girl, I'll be here." He whispered, kissing my forehead before laying down beside me. I stared in confusion and he raised an eyebrow.

"You have a black eye and a bloody lip." I muttered.

"Yeah, well, brother dearest didn't like what I have done to you." He said with disdain. He frowned, looking away. "Seeing you now, I know I deserved every punch and more."

I frowned, cuddling in to him and passing out quickly, wanting to get the pain of waking up over with.

"Miss Lewis." Jarvis said, causing me to blink my eyes open as a white screen popped up on the wall. I sighed, hating myself for giving in to another painful dream. I looked over at the other side of my bed, at the tangled sheets caused by my tossing and turning and I sighed. I knew it was too good to be true again.

"Yes Jarvis?" I asked, standing up and stretching.

"Mr. Stark would like a word." He said. I groaned and Tony's face appeared on the wall.

"Morning sunshine." He said, grinning maniacally. I looked at the time and glared at him.

"It's fucking six in the morning, what is your problem!" I yelled. He put his hands up and laughed.

"Hey, I advised against waking you up but _he_ insisted that I call because he promised he'd be there in the morning and he isn't because I noticed he was in the building and called him down." He said, smirking.

"He?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. He pointed near my bedroom door and I stopped, staring at Loki dressed in a black button up shirt and black jeans, leaning against my door frame.

"Don't be late for work." Tony said, but it barely registered in my mind. "Bring him with you, I just hired him."

"It wasn't a dream." I whispered.

"Oh good, I was afraid you'd go back to bed thinking it was and I'd have to fight with you to make you realize that it wasn't." He said, sighing and straightened up.

"You son of a bitch!" I screamed. He barely dodged the lamp I threw at him and he stared at me in shock.

"Darcy…" He coaxed, as though he were talking to a wild animal.

"You no good, rotten, son of a _bitch_!" I screamed, reaching for something else to throw. Preferably at his head. He was on top of me in a heartbeat, pinning me down, kissing me, holding my hair almost painfully.

"I'm sorry, fuck, stop throwing shit at me!" He growled, pulling away and panting.

"You're here." I said.

"Yes." He hissed, closing his eyes. I reached up and gingerly touched his cheek. He slowly opened his eyes, sighing with a frown.

"Really here…" I muttered. "Are you…"

"I think, if I've taken a job from Stark, that I'm staying Darcy." He said, raising an eyebrow. He swallowed hard, like he was unsure. "If you want me…"

"Yes!" I screamed, causing him to lose his breath as I pulled him down on top of me in a crushing hug.

"No more drinking vodka straight out of the bottle." He muttered. I giggled, holding him close.

"Good luck with that one." I grumbled, nuzzling him. "Loki?"

"Mhm?" He said, the vibrations tickling as he kissed my neck.

"Don't ever do that to me again, asshole." I said, biting him. He laughed, shaking his head.

"I promise, love, I won't ever do that to either of us again."

 **If you guys liked it, let me know! Maybe I'll write more Darcy and Loki :)**


End file.
